


More Than I Can Count

by Goodbye Moonlight (WiggleWorm)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parent Tony Stark, Peter-centric, Sassy Peter, petey cant seem to hold a job worth shit but i still love him, they're all a family and you cant tell me otherwise, wrote this in like 4 hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 12:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17182772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WiggleWorm/pseuds/Goodbye%20Moonlight
Summary: Peter, no matter his best efforts, can just never seem to hold down a job.Prompt: Now hiring





	More Than I Can Count

**Author's Note:**

> this was fun to write but now its 5:39 AM, my entire body has pins and needles, and i can barely type right anymore  
> The thought of this was from a funny post that someone stole and reposted on instagram, so if ur the op that was ranting about peter parker never being able to hold a job because of various reasons, then kudos to you my man  
> unbataed 
> 
> enjoy

If there was one thing in life that Peter was dead set sure about, that he knew for a  _ fact _ was true, it was that he could  _ not _ keep a job.

Peter was 16, the same age that most people would be getting their first jobs, and don’t get him wrong, he _ did  _ have a job, but it did not last very long. Nor did the second one. Nor did the third. Or forth. Or the- well, you get the idea.

No matter how hard he tried, it just all seemed the same, he would crush the interview, land the job, and then somewhere along the line, he would mess up one way or another and either be fired, let go, dropped, terminated, pink slipped, dismissed, excused, you name it, he’s probably heard it. 

While there was that one time he had quit, he still had felt like he was fired, because he had quit shortly after finding out that they were planning on firing him.

Really, it wasn’t that he was a bad worker, he had been complimented many times on his work in the past, it was that there was always something going on in his life. Whether it was school, Spider-Man, or his internship, Peter just could never seem to find time in between his busy schedule to hold any form of work for longer than eight weeks.

For his first job he was delivering pizzas for a shop out in Brooklyn, he would swing there in his suit, change in a secluded alleyway, then run in to work. The shop owners always seemed happy to have him, always telling him how he was their fastest delivery boy, always asking how he was able to get from Brooklyn to the far end of the Bronx in under 15 minutes. He had that job for just over four weeks before he got a call from his boss telling him that they had to cut his job short because of all the times he had to call in and cancel his shifts last minute. In his defense, he was dealing with the Vulture at the time.

For his second job he was a stocker at a large chain grocery store in Manhattan. This one was much easier than his delivery job, he didn’t have to risk ruining the food by swinging around New York for one thing, for another all he really had to do was refill shelves and boxes, answers passing customers questions, and change the prices on items occasionally. For this job he was dropped along with everyone else he worked with in his sector when their manager was fired for illegal drug possession. 

His third job was much like his last, as in, it was kind of a stocking job, just with more work. He would come in from 8pm - 12am from Friday to Sunday stocking shelves at a local gas station in Queens, cleaning up any messes, taking out trash, and restocking the register with ones and fives for the next day. 

This job was likely his favorite, solely for the boy who would work register while he was there. Peter wasn’t  _ blind _ , this guy was _ hot _ . Like, only ever seen someone like that on the cover of a magazine kinda hot. The first time their shifts aligned Peter was so nervous that he was a chatterbox the whole night, and he was sure he had blown any chance he may have ever had with the guy. He must have found Peter to be endearing, though, because at the end of their third shared shift he gave Peter a note with his phone number sloppily scrawled on it. 

They had dated for two weeks before they found out that the boys family was moving to Virginia. At first they had tried to have a long distance relationship, but decided to break it off because of how impractical it was. Shortly after that, Peter was fired from the gas station for being “too mopey on the job”. 

Which,  _ rude _ , let him mourn in peace. 

His fourth job was his least favorite, where he was a waiter at a small hole in the wall breakfast joint on the far end of Chinatown. This was the first and last time he would  _ ever _ wait tables, the people were so disgustingly rude that he really didn’t want to even be in the same room with them. After working for two weeks, Peter got a “pep talk” from his manager about toning it down on being passive aggressive to customers, which, he wasn’t, the customers just took his words malaisly, and she said that if he couldn’t be more respectable then she would have no choice but to let him go. So he quit. Which, honestly probably wasn’t his best move, but he hated that job anyway so it didn’t matter that much to him.

Job after job something would always come up without fail and cost him his employment. At this point he was surprised that any place was taking him, what with such an extensive work background of being terminated shortly after starting. 

By the time that he finally decided “Hey, maybe I should give it a break for a while?” he was already on his ninth job and was working in a thrift store he used to frequent a lot. He hasn’t stepped foot in that store since.

His job hopping had lasted for about two years, and he was relieved when it finally stopped. May had laughed at him for what felt like years over how happy he was to stop working so many different jobs and such wonkie hours, even if it did mean that he would no longer be helping his Aunt May to pay the bills on their apartment. 

May had been the reason that he finally stopped, in the end. She was heavily adamant about him putting all of his focus into his last year of high school, and nothing else. He was lucky that she hadn’t taken his Spider suit away along with it. 

If he thought it was bad when May was laughing at him, he had whole ‘nother thing coming when she told mister  _ Tony Stark  _ about it, and now they were laughing at all his failed employment attempts  _ together _ . At least they were getting along.

Pepper had invited May and Peter over for dinner that night at Stark Tower, but had to leave for emergency CEO business, so she left Tony in charge of handling dinner, which meant ordering out from some high class restaurant that he knew they would otherwise had never been able to afford to go to, since he loved spoiling them at every chance he could get. Peter had been doing homework on the large couch of the communal floor when he was told by JARVIS that he was called in to help set up to eat.

When he arrived, he was met with the sound of laughter. As soon as he heard half of one sentence he knew exactly what they were talking about.

“-and then he was kicked for being  _ mopey! _ Can you believe that shit?” while his Aunt May’s words alone would have sounded mean, her laughter along side it eased any fear he may have otherwise had that she was mad at him for it. 

“Mopey?!” Tony was practically wheezing at this point, whatever they were talking about before he came in must have been the funniest thing in the world, or he just found Peter’s lack of work skills to be absolutely hilarious.

“That’s what I said!” 

“I would have told that guy that they could go f-” Peter cut him off before he could finish his sentence. 

“It really wasn’t that bad guys, it was my fault anyway.”

“Petey, it wasn’t your fault that your boyfriend had- what was it you called it?”

Peter could feel a wide grin stretch across his face at the memory of when he first told his aunt the story about how his boyfriend was leaving for Virginia, “He left me for Mothman!” 

At that Tony had laughed so hard he choked on his spit.

Their night continued on like this until Peter could barely keep his eyes open and was sent to bed.

Peter wasn’t mad that he could never seem to hold down a job, after all, being Spider-Man and protecting people was always his true passion, the extra money he would get from working was just an extra bonus.

 

\----

 

Peter Parker was a fresh high school graduate and ready to take on the world. 

As Spider-Man.

The thought of working a real paying job hadn’t even crossed Peter’s mind until one day while he was swinging around the streets of New York, a news paper of the Daily Bugle flew in his face, nearly making him slam face first into a brick building.

When he stopped on the side of said building, he looked at the paper and saw that on the front cover was a picture of him- or, well- Spider-Man, but same difference.

The title read “Menace or Hero: This Week on SPIDER-MAN!” and when he skimmed the article he saw that the entire thing was just trash talking him and his efforts to help people. 

When he made it to the end of the article, he saw an add reading: “Now Hiring New Photographers” and one of the only requirements listed being that you had to be able to take good pictures of Spider-Man to be used by the Daily Bugle.

This was going to be _ fun.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Mothman has a museum in West Virginia


End file.
